Six Tips for Communicating with Seniors
Jul
22
Written by:
7/22/2012 2:18 PM
Did you know that about one in every ten women who are between the ages of 45 and 56 are caring for both an older parent and their young children. These sandwich generation adults are a subset of what the U.S. Department of Labor estimates to be about 43 million Americans who are caring for someone who is over age 50. And as the Baby Boomers age, this population is going to boom just as the birth rate did in the years following World War II.
That said, a lot of caregivers are stepping into roles for which they are not fully prepared. Here are some useful lessons I have learned over the years to help caregivers to better understand and communicate with the elder or other person with special needs in their orbit:
- You are not reversing roles with an older parent. A fair number of caregivers make the mistake of thinking that they are now parenting their parents when they really should view it as partnering with their parents. Your older parent is not asking you to take charge; they are asking for a helping hand.
- When you talk about safer, your older parent may simply hear loss of independence. If you ask, you will probably find that they want someone who can get the lawn mowed, the house cleaned, or meals cooked. In the process you gain their trust. They are not jumping to the conclusion that they have to move to a senior residential facility.
- They feel fine, but you suspect a bigger issue. You will make better progress by asking your older parent to consider conditions like heart or some other issues where perhaps a doctor can give a more definitive answer, because the symptoms are silent. The key here is “asking,” not telling. An example is high blood pressure which doctors call the silent killer.
- Timing of the conversation can be everything. An older parent with chronic conditions may find that morning is not their best time or day anymore, or your older parent may experience sundowners syndrome after five p.m. So, if you want to discuss an important concern or question, pick a more prime time like lunch or early afternoon.
- It is not a car; it is independence. In an earlier posting, I talked about the conversation for giving up the car keys. Appreciate that you may not be the one to have this talk. In a survey, half of married seniors wanted to have this talk with their spouses. Four in ten singles would prefer to have this conversation with their physicians.
- It may be depression that challenges effective communication, and incidence of depression increases when there are other chronic conditions present. Be sensitive to the warning signs of depression like forgetfulness or confusion, poor appetite, isolation or withdrawal, sleeplessness, irritability, suicidal thoughts, a series of vague complaints, or just slowing down in activities of daily living.
Charlotte Bishop is a Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Case Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. Please email your questions to Charlotte Bishop.
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