Four Things NOT to Do When Dementia Turns Aggressive
Jan
3
Written by:
1/3/2012 9:16 AM
For those of you with a loved one who suffers from dementia of any sort, it is hard to see them fade in their ability to remember familiar surroundings, important experiences from the past or even remember you. And as if that is not enough to manage as a caregiver, your loved one may also at times become inexplicably angry or aggressive. So what can you do when dementia becomes violent?
It is really critical that you always remember that the dementia is not about you, and it is not even really about the parent who once walked you to school, or down the aisle if you are married, or any of the countless other wonderful episodes in your collective life. It is about the dementia and you cannot reason with it.
The Alzheimer’s Association, an organization founded to provide optimal care and services to individuals confronting dementia, and to their caregivers and families, offers some very helpful advice. When you are with a person suffering from dementia, and they become aggressive or violent, follow these guidelines:
- Do not get physical – Unless the situation is truly violent or threatening,
do not use restraints or force, because it gives the person with the dementia
even more reason to be fearful and frustrated.
- Do not confront – Dementia does not allow you the opportunity to negotiate, so you need to learn to just let it go. Anything short of backing down only fuels the issue.
- Do not blame – You should apologize no matter who is at fault for the same reason as #2; you cannot negotiate, and you cannot win an argument.
- Do not fuel the issue – Remember that fighting fires calls for water; you do not fight fire with fire. It is important to keep your cool and be as reassuring as possible.
If you have had angry outbursts from a person with dementia, you may be able to reflect on the situation and appreciate that your own response may have at least partly fanned the flames of the outburst. It is always important to remember it is not the person acting out; it is the dementia acting out. A psychologist I know encourages better caregiving by remembering a simple acronym: A-R-E. It stands for:
- Do not Argue
- Do not Reason
- Do not Explain.
Ultimately, you may find what is particularly well-suited to your own loved one. It may be some favorite music that will calm the waters, or maybe just changing the subject from the bath to be taken to anything else. It may even be just taking a time-out by leaving the room. In the end, both of you will feel better. For more advice on handling the situation, check out the Alzheimer’s Association.
Charlotte Bishop is a Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Case Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. Please email your questions to Charlotte Bishop.
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