Five Tips for "Only Child" Caregivers
Feb
19
Written by:
2/19/2012 2:38 PM
You may have heard about the glories of the “only child,” you know….the stories about not having to share with other siblings, about being mom and dad’s favorite. Well, those of you who have been raised as only children know that it is probably not all that great all the time. And when it comes to being the only caregiver to older parents, being the only child goes from being special to being on your own. But it does not have to be.
The recession we have experienced over these recent years combined with other social forces makes the one child family the fastest group type of family according to the U.S. Census. There are currently 20 million families in America today that have only one child, and the percentage of American women having only one child has more than doubled in the past twenty years. But I am not writing about raising a solo child today; I am looking at the burden of caregiving that falls upon the only child when mom and dad get older and need help.
IF you are in the category of solo caregiver, you may have grown up relying pretty much upon yourself and having exclusive access to mom and dad. Well, as your parents get older and come to rely on you, that solo way to go can be quite daunting. No surprise, that solo children of aging parents can very quickly become overwhelmed. And having been solo all their lives, it may not be as obvious how to make caregiving more of a team effort. If you or someone you know is going it alone as a caregiver, here are five things to do:
- Thank yourself for the hard work you have done. If you have no siblings to
thank you then there are friends, neighbors or even therapists who can help you
to find that tangible appreciation.
- Accept help from others just as you would offer help to others in need of help. Give yourself a bit of leverage from other people and resources on whom you are entitled to call.
- Give yourself a break. The solution to working at something that can be terribly demanding is not to place even more demands on yourself. When someone offers help, accept it.
- Make time to be sad, angry, afraid or even resentful. Some of this is a natural response to an emotionally demanding job, but find an appropriate way to vent or redirect these emotions. And do not redirect them at yourself as too many caregivers often do.
- Voice the feelings and experiences you have. That means that you have to talk through – and even cry through - some of the issues you will face as a caregiver, and you cannot do it all alone. It requires another person. Beyond friends, seek out a professional listener.
At the end of all these, you will see that you may be an only child, but you need not “go it alone” as a caregiver. It has been said by others that it takes a village to raise a child, AND it takes a village to care for an elder or other person with special needs as well.
Charlotte Bishop is a Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Case Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. Please email your questions to Charlotte Bishop.
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